Careful not to tug or pinch
I snap her into her coat
As if she were a toddler,
Fish her sleeves for rumpled sweater
Coax cap over ears
Fetch her walker from behind the door.
Her head, my chin
No longer eye to eye.
When I was the toddler
When she buttoned my snowsuit,
Warm worn hands
Brushing the flesh of my face,
Preparing me for a journey
In tow, again, at her side,
Did she ever feel this weary?
Ever dread the spring?
Twilight moments replace CT's and chemo.
Beyond the anger, past the denial,
we are now here,
enjoying this bridge to the unknown,
savoring each hour, yearning for another verdict,
but expecting no miracle.
We have been we for decades,
Now this sundown, the end of our duet,
feathers soft blue and whites into golden pinks,
stretching a horizontal grin from ear to ear on earth.
Our togetherness is on the horizon,
a slow motion sunset, slipping into unimagined color
a sundown collapsing like bleeding watercolors
Too soon, that unknown eventual dawn will find us,
that inescapable morning when we emerge
to separate lonelinesses,
a dimension apart.
But today, hummingbirds buzz combat over sugar water,
flickers and bushtits attack suet cakes.
We devour sweet salmon dinner,
popcorn and the World Series for dessert.
We relish our warm, glowing sunset,
cold night, a distant given.